Musings on Life, Love, and Linguine-Poetry & Writing
Cypress bows in autumn rain
Bearing weight as if in pain
Casting shades on what remains
Fury of the storm unrestrained
As limbs of trees lay broken, felled.
Thunderclouds gather, striking fear
Roosting birds take wing, disappear
Sensing the change in atmosphere
As a once calm wind heaved and swelled.
©2021 Linda Lee Lyberg
Written for dVerse where Frank is hosting ‘Imitation Practice’. I’m not sure how well I did as far as the meter goes, but I gave it a shot. The rhyme scheme is AAAABCCCB.
Author’s Note: I’ve got rain on the brain. It’s rained for three days, which is unusual for us here in Arizona. I’m not complaining; we really needed it. And I do love the freshness it brings.
It’s great how you’ve captured the rhythm Linda and I especially love
‘Roosting birds take wing, disappear
Sensing the change in atmosphere’ xxx
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Thank you so much.
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Very nice description of the wind especially with the last line of it heaving and swelling. I also like how the cypress bears wet weight as if in pain. Nice imitation of Tennyson.
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Thank you Frank.
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I do love the way you describe the thunderstorms and rain… wonderful
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Thank you Bjorn.
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You were wondering about the meter, and I think if you’re after the Tennyson rhythm you need to take out a few words to get the lines to four beats, like ‘low’ then ‘wet’ and if you change ‘shadows’ to ‘shades’ that scans. If I had a metronome I’d use it to get the beat, but I don’t so I tap out the rhythm as I say the lines. It’s tricky!
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Thank you for the feedback Jane!
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🙂
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I certainly could tell it was Tennyson, even before I got to your explication.It fares well when read aloud. Nice job of modernizing the form too.
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Thank you Glenn.
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Strong poem Linda, and the pic is killer!
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Thank you Rob.
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You bring us the storm beautifully, with such nice rhythm. Well done.
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Thank you Beverly.
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Tennyson seems to be the one to imitate today. The rhythm needs a bit of changing as Jane says otherwise, it is a beautiful poem. You did good! I so love the way you describe the thunderstorm and the rain.
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Thank you Toni!
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The poem is beautiful! I love storms and watching as the atmosphere changes!
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Thank you!
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Mother Nature can be fickle and anyone attuned to Mother Nature rolls with it. I can see those birds lifting off and away from the storm.
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Thank you.
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YW
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I think you did a great job with the rhyme scheme, very striking imagery.
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Thank you.
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Very nice flow of lines. Loved this … Bearing wet weight as if in pain
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Thank you.
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There are a couple of comments about the rhythm, and I see what they mean. The rhyme scheme works well, though, and as a poem it stands up in its own right. The slight softening of the rhythm works with the topic, and your imagery is great.
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Thank you Sarah! I see that as well. I love the feedback.
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The change in atmosphere infuses your words. I don’t mind the slight variations in rhythm, I think it complements the theme. (K)
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Thank you!
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Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.
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Thank you Chuck!🙏🏻
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Always my pleasure, Linda!! 😊💖
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