I love who I’ve been, but I really love who I am becoming.”
My life has changed in the last three months. Where before I was seldom home because I was traveling for work, I now spend most of my days writing, painting, gardening, cooking. Living up to my own truth. I had an epiphany not so long ago when I took a look in the mirror and didn’t know who I was anymore.
Why? What caused my unhappiness and my unrest?
I was successful in my career. Grateful that my work was rewarding from both a personal and financial aspect. Worked with some amazing people, and had a phenomenal team. Happy with my husband and my home. But happy with myself and who I had become? No. At times, I felt I was suffocating under the pressure of what others, and especially myself, expected me to be. In my quest to succeed, I had driven myself beyond recognition. Somehow, I lost my true north, my soul. I lost me.
Life in a vacuum; pulled into a direction I had no choice but to follow. Who am I?
Many years ago, I read a quote that has stayed with me.
“When we come to accept that change is the only reality, life gets much easier.” An immense amount of wisdom right there in that statement.
In every life, there are peaks and valleys. I am convinced the valleys are where we do some of our most important soul work. They test our mettle, teach us humility, see if we are worthy of moving up the mountain towards enlightenment. The peaks in our lives test us as well. Are we humble, thankful, grateful for where we are? Or do we have a sense of entitlement?
My lifestyle, once as complicated as the math questions I hated in school, is now blessedly simple. I am hyperconscious of my surroundings and my emotions. I spend hours being true to who I am. Reveling in the beauty of the world around me. Too busy watering my own grass to notice if others are greener. Grateful this happened sooner rather than later.
The more I write, the more I want to write. The last three months have been a cathartic outpouring of my heart on paper. Following the breadcrumbs on the path to my true self. To who I am becoming.
And I like what I see so far. I like me. In fact, I love me.
With each passing day, I am moving further up the mountain to my own enlightenment.
I know my journey has just begun, but this time, I will not stop. My determination is firm; rooted into my soul.
For this, I am grateful.