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Altered State

I wrote this back in January and posted it to my FB page and wow, did I get some interesting results. So, here ya go.

I have been in an ‘altered state of mind’ since the election results. I don’t mean drowning my sorrows with wine, although I have had my share. This goes much deeper than anything wine can handle.

This is sorrow. I know sorrow- we are intimate friends. I have met sorrow before and stared it down and come out on the other side. I have grieved the loss of a husband who could light up a room with his smile yet he was so troubled he took his own life. A sister who was a beautiful mess but nonetheless, MY sister. A dear friend taken much too early right when she got all she ever wanted- an amazing child she adopted. My mother, who I have no words for because I can’t explain how she affected my life in a myriad of profound ways.

This sorrow is something else- as if there has been a shift in the universe that I cannot see. It’s deep in the marrow of my bones. My heart is heavy, I want so to ‘forget it all’, and go on my merry way, ignoring . Can I make a difference in all this and make sense of all the injustice and hurt to others I have seen?

When I was young, I could move away from my discomfort- youth is so naive and resilient. I am not young. I cannot brush this aside like Scarlett in GWTW- “After all, tomorrow is another day.” I am sitting with this discomfort and trying to dissect it, so I understand it.

And that’s okay.

 

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