Finding My Centre

62627736 - conceptual illustration of green maze and fantasy objectsYesterday as I was dead heading my roses, I came upon a baby praying mantis. It was a tiny lime green stick, and still as death. She had come from who knows where working her way through to the maze of rose petals, and was nearly dead centre. Waiting for her next meal to come to her. And because of her patience, she found me or I found her. I am not sure which.

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Let Go

act oneI have let go of my old life. You know the one. The life where I got up earlier than God, rushed,rushed,rushed. Worked all day, and part of the night. Jetted to somewhere different, worked in a different location, a different city. Encountered harshness no matter where I was. There is little chivalry in an airport. Each man or woman fighting for their own space. Seldom reaching out a hand to help. And if you reach out to help, they view you as a suspicious character. Same song, second verse. Rinse and repeat.

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Growing Butterflies

“Life Began in a Garden.”

I have a garden. Life is teeming within this garden. Each spade of dirt yields a tangle of earthworms that have done their job well. Rich,dark, fertile life-giving earth.

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Lovebirds

In the spring and summer, a flock of 20 or more peach faced lovebirds visit the feeders. We see a couple of rogue parakeets who escaped the confines of their cages somewhere along the way. Melodic chirps fill the air. Tiny goldfinches feed on their favorite Nyjer seed. We have sporadic visits from a Cooper’s hawk, a sharp shinned hawk, desert quail and a road runner. Did you know road runners are predators, quite intelligent, and amazing mimickers? I once saw a video of a road runner fighting with a rattlesnake, and guess who won? And here I thought Wily E. Coyote was plain dumb compared to the road runner in the cartoons of my youth. Continue reading

The FlimFlam Man

My dad grew up on the stage in Vaudeville. He was in his parent’s act. At a young age, he was on stage singing a song-“Mush,Mush.” I found this out years later from an old friend of his.

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Dad

He was a great dancer and jitterbugger. His friend Ralph, told me he went out with dad and 5 other couples, all packed into a ’37 Ford. Dad looked like Tony Curtis and the women all loved him. Hell, everybody loved daddy. He could charm the wings off a butterfly.

He was smart too and funny. Always cracking a corny joke to anyone who would listen long enough for the punch line.

On October 8, 1945, he enlisted in the Army. His records state he was married at the time, but I have yet to find out to whom. I am still researching this.

Mom and Dad married on October 31,1952 in Galveston County, Texas. I know this because I have their marriage license.

He and mom divorced when I was two. A few months before, mom went to run errands and left me with dad. When she came home, she found me outside in a wheelbarrow, playing with something. She moved closer, and couldn’t believe what her baby girl held. There I was, in my diaper sitting in a wheelbarrow playing with a dead owl. It was in that moment she knew the marriage was over, or soon would be. Continue reading

Altered State, Pt.2

“The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.”

Funny how my post the other day affected some people. People were reaching out to Pete (my husband) – “I hear Linda is having a tough time, I am sorry man. Let us know if there is anything we can do. Hang in there.” As if I had a terminal illness or something I would not recover from.
Others responded with I understand how you feel. I have been feeling the same way.
Still others with I don’t understand why a Trump presidency is freaking people out. For this- I have no words.

While I appreciate all the concern, I am right where I need to be right now. I am fine. This is not about causing anyone concern. I am not perfect. I have fallen many times in my life and let people down, but I get back up. Peaks and valleys- that is life. I try to learn from the times when I am in a valley. Continue reading

Altered State

I wrote this back in January and posted it to my FB page and wow, did I get some interesting results. So, here ya go.

I have been in an ‘altered state of mind’ since the election results. I don’t mean drowning my sorrows with wine, although I have had my share. This goes much deeper than anything wine can handle.

This is sorrow. I know sorrow- we are intimate friends. I have met sorrow before and stared it down and come out on the other side. I have grieved the loss of a husband who could light up a room with his smile yet he was so troubled he took his own life. A sister who was a beautiful mess but nonetheless, MY sister. A dear friend taken much too early right when she got all she ever wanted- an amazing child she adopted. My mother, who I have no words for because I can’t explain how she affected my life in a myriad of profound ways.

This sorrow is something else- as if there has been a shift in the universe that I cannot see. It’s deep in the marrow of my bones. My heart is heavy, I want so to ‘forget it all’, and go on my merry way, ignoring . Can I make a difference in all this and make sense of all the injustice and hurt to others I have seen?

When I was young, I could move away from my discomfort- youth is so naive and resilient. I am not young. I cannot brush this aside like Scarlett in GWTW- “After all, tomorrow is another day.” I am sitting with this discomfort and trying to dissect it, so I understand it.

And that’s okay.